Evolution of a Soul

I don't know about you, but every so often, usually in the wake of some deep discussion, the following question gets posed: Do you think people can really change? I realize that many times this is asked by someone struggling with the potential loss of a relationship or by someone who is slipping into their own rabbit hole as they deal with something dark and lingering. My answer is always the same. Yes, I believe people can change.
However, the bigger question is, do people WANT to change, and what is prompting the change? I don't believe that change conducted for the purpose of maintaining a relationship or winning someone or something over leads to true lasting change. From what I know of the world, that kind of change is surface in behavior and doesn't penetrate to the core of the person. Eventually, either from tiring of the "acting-as-if" or due to a loss of the relationship that prompted the change, there is a reversion back to the original behavior(s). The true lasting changes seem to take root when we stop doing/changing for others and start doing/changing for ourselves.
I use myself as subject matter:
For most of my life, I have been the placator, the person who attempted to lay low and calm the waters. I never wanted to draw attention to myself, or rather I learned from childhood experiences that the kind of behavior that received notice wasn't always met with positive reaction, so I learned to "blend"...to sit back and fade into the paneling, to be quiet and observe. Don't get me wrong, I had the rare environment where I learned it was safe to standout, and could be forceful and more vocal, but more often than not, I chose the path of least resistance. To define that more clearly, that would be least resistance toward authority figures. I learned in early childhood that to step out and defy the daily authority figures in my life was met with scrutiny, discord and even worse sometimes. I became "the good kid." I did what I was told, what was expected of me, and took on the responsibilities and pressures of that role.
Over time, I became afraid of living the way that my soul wished. I followed the path that I was told was "supposed to be." I went to college, got a degree in a reasonable major, married a month after graduation, and had a baby two years later. I did what I was told, and yet, I found myself unfulfilled, longing for something more. I've struggled with that sensation for years...feeling a strong sensation of quiet discontent...knowing that in my perceived necessity to be "good", I have lost moments with both others and myself that I can never get back...said words I can't unsay, and also missed the opportunity to say things I should have.
The question of people changing has been asked of me many times in the last six or eight months. Initially, I dismissed the queries with my standard answer (see above), and then I began to look more closely. Why was this question continuing to present itself to me...repeatedly...over such a short period of time? Others were asking the question of me, but maybe the answer wasn't for them to hear, but for me to hear and listen.
Several poignant events have occurred in the last year that have suddenly found me smack in the middle of my own change...an evolution of my soul, if you will. I used to find myself "changing" for another - acting "as if" I was something I was not, didn't even really WANT to be when I looked honestly at the choice. I've had many a-ha moments, as Oprah calls them, recently. I've begun the process of clearing off all of the boxes, dust and trash that has slowly and methodically been placed on top of the person I was or wanted to become. Not the placating person I have existed as, but the REAL me that so long ago I told myself it was not ok to be or that I did not have the ability to be. I've discovered that the quiet shy nonathletic girl I convinced myself I was, is actually pretty darned adventurous, afraid of very little, and quite physically capable. When I stopped judging myself and telling myself that this thought or that behavior was "wrong" (authority speaking), I found that I had very little desire to judge someone else. I've learned that I can take in what others have to say about what I "should" do, or I can choose to leave it and say "thanks, but no thanks." I've realized that I don't have to accept inappropriate behavior that crosses my boundaries in uncomfortable or disrespectful ways and have every right to either meet the behavior head on and speak to the person about it, or I can just remove myself from the situation...and that both choices are life affirming. I've also come to the very acute awareness that just as I am human, so is everyone else. We all stumble and fall. At any given moment I can choose something different: to change direction, to laugh instead of cry, to forgive another or more importantly, to forgive myself. I can apologize when I'm wrong and own my shortcomings. I can begin again, right now in this moment. I can choose to become more fully myself, and with each choice to change, it seems to be followed by a greater awareness and further evolution.
The greatest gift of this "evolution" has been the serenity that has accompanied the change. I always feared stepping into the unknown (False Evidence Appearing Real). However, these steps are actually bringing peace, a sense of knowing myself and trusting the longings of my own heart; which, oddly, is what I've longed for all this time. I know my limits, which is more accurately knowing that I have NO limits.
Do I believe people can REALLY change? Yes. I am changing at this very moment.